Guess Who's Being a Diva?

No no. It's not Kareena Kapoor this time. But it's someone is much closer to our hearts (and by that, I refer to the cardiac-wrenching pain you get every time you see this guy in the news) - yeah, it's Ajmal Kasab again.

Till now, he followed the general trend of requesting for toothpaste, Urdu newspapers, a copy of his 11,000 page chargesheet in Urdu. And when it looked like the court was going to comply, he gave a shifty grin, tipped his cowboy hat low over his head and said in a husky voice imitating Clint Eastwood, "I'd like some Chanel perfume with that."

You know. To go with that Versace T-shirt. Brands are everything - that's the first lesson they taught in terrorist school.

More from NDTV, because even if I hate it, they still do report stuff for me to ridicule:

Day 8 into the 26/11 trial comes captured 26/11 terrorist Ajmal Qasab's wish list: Toothpaste, Urdu newspapers.. standard requests in all trials. But the most surprising one here is 'perfume'.

Says Qasab's lawyer Abbas Kazmi: "Perhaps his cell is stinking because he has to answer nature's call there."

Qasab has also asked for the money found on him when he was arrested to be transferred to a jail account for his use.

When asked by the judge what he read in Pakistan, Qasab said Nawa-e-Waqt. Qasab also wants the police to allow him to get out of his cell for a quick walk.

In a letter written to his lawyer in Urdu, he says: "The police need not worry because that verandah is closed on all 4 sides. That is why I should be allowed to walk for some time. Staying in one room I might develop some psychological problems and things should not go out of hand."

All I can say is: I hate those human rights activists. What happened to those days when we could just hang a guy from a tree under suspicions that he was a pirate or a traitor or something? We should bring those ideals back. Sure, it'll throw democracy out of the window, but hey, our preamble says we're already secular and socialist, so who are we to deny the constitution, right?

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Let's Analyse: Kasab's Wikipedia Page

Yep. That's how famous the guy is. He has his own Wikipedia page.

It starts very nicely, by giving his full name and then talking about how his family is a line of butchers, before going into the fact that he's in Indian custody for coldblooded murder. The then go on to list the 200-odd names he has, which caused a major confusion since Times Now had reported 'Kasab' and NDTV stated it was 'Qasab', while the rest of India weeped over how pathetic our media and communication system is. And I personally enjoyed how they put up a little flag of Pakistan right next to his birth place and nationality, kind of to bring home the fact that, hey, Zardari, how much ever you deny it, he IS from your land.

If you're in the mood for crying black tears, please check this out.
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Terrorists are Planning to Disrupt Elections in J&K

A terrorist? No way! I'm just role-playing that Cobra
character from the G.I. Joe cartoons...

Really?!

So the J&K area is actually *gasp* prone to terrorist attacks? Wait, what? You're saying there have been attacks before?! No! Seriously? Truly? WTF? What else is the government hiding from us? I DEMAND ANSWERS!


On a more serious note, the Union government has apparently ordered 3-tier security in Jammu and Kashmir for civilians and politicians alike. There are reports that some 400 LeT trained terrorists were waiting to tip-to into India and disrupt the upcoming General Elections.

So the government is saying that they've sent protection and we shouldn't worry about anything anymore. Yeah, man. We totally believe you.
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