The Cell Advantage

My cousin called a huge family meeting today (over an STD conference call, but it still counts) and announced, to no one's surprise, that she's totally knocked up :)

Which means... I'm gonna be an aunt! I'm growing up!

Which also means, all my biology lectures from secondary school will finally prove useful, and being the only other girl child in the family, I must pass on certain valuable information to her.

And being a human being in general, I must pass on the following to you :)

Stem cells are considered the pioneering science to a healthier life for millions of children and adults. Stem cells are cells that are in their generative form when the foetus is still in the womb. These cells are found in the umbilical cord connecting which provides nutrients from mother to child and have been found to be in the initial stages at which all human cells are before differentiating into those specific cells required by different organs of the body. In short, if collected at the right time, they can be used to reconstruct many basic organs in case a transplant or treatment for terminal diseases is required.

And if that doesn't spell a secure life for your children, I don't know what does.

The Life Cell International initiative helps parents-to-be to register with them, with a fee of Rs.75000 for storage of umbilical cord blood for up to 21 years. A questionnaire based on the parents' medical and sexual history has to be filled along with their particulars and sent to the mentioned address. Upon commencement of labour, a special kit is sent to the hospital registered for birth and the doctors are advised on the needful prior to the delivery. Once the blood is collected, it is couriered to their Keelakottaiyur lab in Chennai for cryo-storage.

I'm definitely younger than my sister, but I don't feel ashamed to remind her about such measures. And neither should you. Pass on the message. Just because.
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A Rant That Turned Out to be Much More

Recently, the BJP candidate for PM, L.K.Advani, challenged the current PM, Manmohan Singh, to a live debate before the elections for the general public to grasp exactly what each party's propaganda is (without the media misconstruing everything) and to effectively decide who to vote for. This was widely appreciated by most sane, normal people with a sense of respect for themselves and their nation, while the Congress was completely against it. One might say this was because they just wished to prevent social awakening. Or maybe since they don't wish to comply with foreign standards of fair election campaigning. Or maybe, and it's most probably this one, their candidate has always proven to be an inefficient orator and an even worse politician.

Which are considered bad traits in a man who wishes to occupy the top-most government position of power in the entire country.

So today, in retaliation, Singh gave the following quotes. From NDTV.com:

With just about a day left before campaigning ends, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on Monday attacked leader of the Opposition LK Advani saying that his strength lies in speech and not action.

Speaking in Mumbai, the Prime Minister said, "I am not a sloganeer. Unlike the NDA's prime ministerial candidate I will not be found weeping in a corner while hoodlums teat down a centuries old mosque, nor would I be found wringing my hands in frustration when one of my chief ministers condones a pogrom targeted at minorities."

Manmohan also said that he will certainly not say things in Pakistan that will offend every Indian and then abandon his stand when it becomes politically inconvenient within his party.

"Mr Advani has the unique ability to combine strength in speech with weakness in action. This is not the strength we need," he said.

The Prime Minister also termed BJP chief Rajnath Singh's statement as total lie that he, as the then Leader of the Opposition in Rajya Sabha, was consulted before release of Kandahar terrorists.

"Advani had agreed to release the terrorists and subjected Cabinet colleague Jaswant Singh to the humiliation of having personally escorted the terrorists during Kandahar episode to their safe haven," he said.

When asked about Rahul Gandhi becoming the Prime Minister, Singh said, "Someday power must be passed over to young people as it is happening all over the world and Rahul Gandhi has all the qualities to be a good Prime Minister."

Where to start?


1) Doesn't strong speech and the ability to sway crowds with just his striking personality make a true leader? Oratory skills are quite useful and damned necessary if you want to make an impression on your voters, so yes, if Advani thinks a debate must be held for both parties to get their points across, I fully support him.

2) The Congress really has no right to talk about communal riots or controversies since they have been embroiled in controversies worse, if not equivalent to, what occurred during the BJP's reign. The Bofors scandal worth Rs. 64 crores in the 1980s that led to the direct downfall of the Congress in the following elections? Or the 1984 Anti-Sikh riots which played an even more significant role in why the BJP came into power? Or the controversy over Sonia Gandhi's offices of profit when she was as MP, which was illegal?

3) The Kandahar incident. This will never cease as ammunition against the BJP. Remember the Mumbai hotel seize recently? How could you not? Imagine yourself as one of the members of the families with a loved one stuck inside the Taj around this time. It's damn hard, isn't it? You'd have probably sold your soul to request the government to negotiate and give in to any of the terrorist demands just so you could have your loved one out alive again. The Congress refused to do that. They sent in forces late, stalled break-ins in the name of investigations even as the time called for serious action by the military forces and, when the mission finally ended three days later, bragged about how they wouldn't give in to terrorism and its demands. It's a brilliant plan, really. Except when you let innocent citizens die in order to prove how tough your administration is.

When the Kandahar hijack occurred and the hijackers demanded the release of major names being some of the world's most horrifying terror plots in return for the passengers' safety, the BJP gave in. While many assume this as a fault of character by the Vajpayee government, I admire it. The BJP gave up its dignity and knew this would directly affect its future political ambitions and yet decided to go along with it. For the sake of hundreds of innocent civilians. If that doesn't show character, I really don't know what does. So when the Congress moonlights as an unmasked vigilante, the BJP does its work secretly, and a hundred times better.


I want a BJP vs. Congress debate LIVE on every news channel in the country, English and otherwise. I want Arnab Goswami and Rajdeep Sardesai to shut up and stop interrupting the people they are interviewing, under the name of time constraints on TV, so that people can, once and for all, form a solid opinion that won't falter even as they hold the ballots in their hand, the hand that casts the precious vote. I want order for once, and not a gimmick on national television where the media can jump to assumptions as they would in petty celebrity tabloids. Advani and Manmohan are not celebrities. They are men on a mission, and they are required to prove themselves to each citizen that is old enough to vote. Campaign rallies are rigged, with each party pulling in fanatical supporters to promote them. If they want to be in power, they need to showcase their competence, oratory and otherwise.

And I swear to all Gods, if this debate happens in the ways prescribed above, I will finally have witnessed a fair election in my time.
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Just Say... Nay?

So I was out with my mom's friend's daughter, who is a journalist, and we attended some seminar on sex education for teens. Within seconds of reaching the tented area, I figured I knew way more than those specialists would ever tell me. It was a dark place, filled with evil ignorance that yelled at me to f-ing run out, but I thought I might get a good laugh out of it.

I didn't.

They flashed the usual "Stay Abstinent" card like they always do in schools, talking about how you should be married and totally devoted to your spouse and in love before you take the Big Step. I think I heard something along the lines of, "condoms can make you sick", but I wasn't listening. Snake II on my mobile phone was more engaging than this shit.

Saying "no" never works. Haven't they figured that out by now? I took biology in school and just the fact that we were mature enough not to giggle during human reproduction lectures says a lot about the level of maturity that we've reached. When we are told so often to be abstinent, we tend to give ourselves mental beatdowns if we so much as think about anything sexual. And how can you not be sexual when everything from the media to clothing is sex-ified? "Holding off till marriage" makes one so completely stubborn that they'll remain pure and when they, God forbid, end up succumbing, they just don't know how to protect themselves. Which directly relates to the rise in STDs and unwanted pregnancies, even as the government makes a commendable effort to curb the same.

And plus, we're teens. If we're told something is wrong, we have to have it.

Advocating safe sex is pretty much the only other way. I see it as two options: push your kid to the brink of temptation without knowing how to be safe OR teach them to accept sexuality for what it is and hope they keep themselves safe.

We can comprehend. If only someone told us what is to be comprehended..


And signing off, with a little clip from Mean Girls:


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Sharad Pawar Doesn't Own a Car

Would you just give me a minute? I think I have something in my throat...

*cough*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

*cough*

Yeah, I'm OK.

Yep. Definitely looks like a man who
walks to work everyday.

Besides this, Times of India reported that the current Union civil aviation minister Praful Patel and Pawar's daughter, Supriya Sule, don't own vehicles either. And Sushilkumar Shinde, Congress nominee from Solapur for the elections, just owns a Fiat purchased in 1974 for Rs.13,000. I really, really, really want to laugh again, but I fear if I begin now, I won't stop till sunset and probably miss the rerun show of Roadies this afternoon.


I'm guessing there was a interview or something with the Income Tax Department that prompted this declaration, even if the rest of the country knows that it's A BIG FAT GODDAMN LIE! Next there'll be a talk show held by Arnab Goswami of Times Now asking Pawar to explain this. Let me illustrate that for you:

Arnab Goswami: Blah blah blah blah (for approximately 45 minutes, while bashing the BJP and laughing at his own jokes, while the rest of the world switches channels to watch Shilpa Shukla make drama on Jhalak Dikhla Ja instead) You recently declared your assets and said that you don't own a car. Of course, as noble citizens and devoted countrymen, we totally believe everything you say. No evidence of debauchery or illegal activites exist to prove otherwise. But to reaffirm faith in your general awesomeness with the good people of the nation, what do you have to comment on the situation, which I personally believe is a pot of back-handed lies used to attack your holy grace.

Sharad Pawar: Zzzz - hmm... what? Oh, a thousand apologies, I fell asleep. Vote for me. *snooze*

AG: Poor guy. Working so hard for the benefit of the common masses. He's the Martin Luther King of India, a beacon of hope and truth in such troubled time. He enlightens us with his -

Producer: Uhh... Arnab? You have seven minutes of on-air time left and frankly, no one's watching this. Why do I fund for this shit?

AG: Whatever, bitch. We'll take our first caller now. Hello?

Caller: Hello, Arnab. I just want to ask Mr. Pawar how he thinks he'll garner votes this year when everyone knows about his underhanded schemes to dominate and overthrow democracy in his own pathetic and - *bleep*

AG: Oops. We seem to have lost our caller. No matter. In the next few minutes, we'll air the entire video of the Congress's 'Jai Ho' anthem, especially compiled for general public showcase. I hope you enjoy it and vote judiciously. Here's Arnab Goswami of Times Now saying goodbye, thank you and please, vote for the right people. I mean, the Congress. Not that I'm trying to advertise them or anything. Just that, they're good. Vote for them. Though it's your choice. That's what democracy is. Your vote is private. Vote for them. Seriously. Thanks.


God, I'd hate to be the woman who presents the news with him *shudder*
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Mainstream Cinema is Giving Me Unrealistic Hopes

My Acer laptop bailed on me a week ago due to unknown reasons.

OK, fine. I accidentally poured water on it. Operative word: accidentally.

And my Dad was completely against paying to fix the damn thing, which I was OK with since the laptop is really old. I'm talking Yuvraj-Singh-going-out-with-Deepika-Padukone old. That must have been, like, five years ago, right?

Regardless, my Dad finally agreed to let me call customer service and ask them what the hell they were doing selling me a laptop that fused when you just dropped water on it. Even if that is pretty much the only criteria you need to fuse out any circuit. The little details don't matter. So I call their 1800 line and some dude in a Scandinavian country (at least I think so) picks up and thanks me for calling and that my issues will be immediately attended to and to hold and that I'll be dispatched to a customer services line in - wait for it - India.

So the line was on hold with that awful music for about ten minutes before a guy picked up and started chattering away in that horrible anti-British accent all those call centre people seem to have. Needless to say, being an 1800 line, I didn't get anything useful out of it and my appeal for warranty was, very rudely, rejected. But I couldn't care less since my Dad will eventually stop fuming anyway and take the laptop somewhere into the hidden IT section of his company that no one sees or knows and get it made as good as new, with the latest iTunes installed.

So my laptop? I don't give a damn. But what I did care about, for a large portion of the call and subsequently after, was whether the call centre guy looked like Dev Patel.

Seriously.

I'm gonna hit that. Soon...

For all I know the call centre dude must be married with kids, probably rides a Scooty Pep+ to work and watches Nach Baliye reruns. But what if, just what if, he turned out to be an annoyingly cute British-Indian with a life-long ambition to track down a girl he met years ago and wouldn't rest until he was united with his one true love?

What if this Dev-ish person was actually one of my kindergarten classmates who used to pull my plaits and pour water down the back of my multi-coloured uniform?

And what if that boy got hit with a large stick of utter cuteness as he grew up and started thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled her plaits and poured water down the back of her multi-coloured uniform" and attempts to find me and take me far, far away to a... umm... CST terminal where we can start life anew with our tender love and affection for each other?

You can't see me, but I'm jumping in my swivel chair, yelling, "Hell, yeah!"

And you know the best part?

He'll be ten million bucks richer by the end.

Which means "Goodbye, Acer" and "Hello, MacBook Air".
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