Swine Flew in !

I couldn't resist that pun. I just couldn't resist it.

Well more importantly, the Indian government has succeeded again. As if they did not already have more than their fair share of problems- plus the neighbors share and then some- beating them on their collective head, the bovine heard that administrates the whole system contrived to give the Old Budia Party a gift for their win.

*Does his best Arnab Goswami impression*

We have, ladies and Gentlemen, been able to gain entry into the lofty enclaves of those hallowed halls comprising of those countries where the Swine flu case has been reported.

Indian Express has this to say......

New Delhi:

India on Saturday confirmed its first case of swine flu (H1N1 virus) in a 23-year-old man who arrived in Hyderabad from the US. The IT student whose samples confirmed positive for H1N1 virus has been put in isolation, and his co-passengers who departed New York on May 11 (Emirates Airline EK-202), transiting Dubai (Emirates airline EK-524) were being tracked.

“We have informed Dubai and New York health authorities through the World Health Organisation (WHO) about the case and informed them to track all those he might have passed on the infection to,” Health Secretary Naresh Dayal told The Sunday Express, confirming the case.

According to the Health Ministry officials, all the passengers who travelled in the connecting flight from Dubai to Hyderabad have been identified and they were being contacted through Integrated Disease Surveillance Project. “Their health status would be monitored. These passengers are also being advised to remain under quarantine for a period of seven days,” added ministry officials.

Bravo ! I say. So they have been able to track all his co-passengers and have advised them to remain under quarantine. When was the last time an Indian person did what he was advised to do ?

Now why am I so livid with these grass-grazing goat kissers ? Well I just had the honor of gracing the new and improved Indira Gandhi International Airport. My flight arrived at around 2 45 am along with two more flights, one of which came from China( I know so because the plane had mandarin printed on it. Ha! ).

So as we move towards the immigration counter,but unfortunately( just as it mostly happens on the roads here ) there is an impediment in our way. A temporary counter has been hurriedly-and truth be told, rather shabbily- been put in our way. It contains place for at least three medical officers.

Instead, a balding, hairy and shockingly obese person sits there abusing a chair, with the face mask hanging on his ear like a fashion accessory, one hand in the folds of his shirt, scratching his chest and generally giving off the air of a pimp lording about his street.

So then we fill these forms specifying that we have not visited any of the swine flu infected countries. He didn't' tell us that though. No Sir! Thats not in his job profile. Speaking to menial people like us is just too degrading for His Baldness. We got to know that only when some of were turned away from the immigration counter for not having our forms signed by the Chief Medical Officer.

But He didn't tell us that either. He was just there to give autographs. Soon there was a very Indian commotion around him. A herd of braying people had surrounded him and were asking him to sign their forms. And like a true Showman-cum-royalty that His Arse-ness is, he was signing each and every paper being thrust in front of his enormous nose.

Now I have heard from reliable sources that bacterias and flu viruses can travel almost 1 meter through the air. There was a freaking huge number of people surrounding him containing Indians from god knows where and Chinese from some where in china. At that time, a human case had already been confirmed there. They should have been separated from the start, they should have been checked separately. But NO! His holy Arseness kept signing the papers, as in a daze and without reading any of them.

Now does that not sound as if the aforementioned bovine heard actually wants the virus to spread ? Because otherwise, we can only assume that not only do they have the intelligence level of a goo, but they are also moronic imbeciles who should be slapped ten times a day just on general principal.

Hence I shall stop frothing and venting my spleen and shall conclude that our administrators have some hidden plan. Because the other possibility is good enough to make me consider bashing some heads.

I seem to be in a violent mood.

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A New Day. A New Kasab Piece.

So this is Ajmal Amir Kasab's mugshot gracing my blog. I can't even bring myself to make any more comments, so here's what TimesNow.tv has to say:

After a Special court in Mumbai put 86 charges against the lone surviving terrorist of the 26/11 Mumbai attacks, Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasav, he pleaded not guilty. In an effort to manipulate the law and make Kasav escape the death penalty, Kasav's lawyer, Abbas Kazmi, said that that Kasav was not waging war on India, but was trying to liberate Kashmir by committing terror acts on Mumbai.

The court framed charges against the 35 others accused including Faheem Ansari, Sabauddin Ahmed and Kasav. Kasav has been charged with unlawful activities, arms act, customs act, explosives act, foreigners act and prevention of damage to public property act, among others.

Reacting to the trial of Kasav, senior criminal lawyer Majid Memon said that undue importance has been given to the terrorist's claim.

WTF? 86 charges and he's still pleading 'not guilty'? And most of the Acts he's charged under seem so... blah. Customs Act? Unlawful activities? Damage to public property?? Now I'm not going to claim to know much about the law, but there should be some law that sums up everything a terrorist could possibly do and kick his ass back. This is off the top of my head, but I'm thinking... "That's for blowing up our city, you bastard, now you can go burn in hell for all eternity like a truck tire" Act. Just a thought.
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And It Just Took Five Months...

News flash --- Turns out Ajmal Amir Kasab? Not a minor, after all!

DUN DUN DUNNN.


In other news, the guy also happens to be a terrorist.

*gasp*

Who'd have thought...?
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You Go, Girl!

You go, girl: A phrase commonly used by minority female characters in a B-list Hollywood movie to symbolize feminism in their community while stereotyping minority groups in general.


For those of you who have been living under a rock over the last week or so (I was on holiday, so I don't count), Sanjay Dutt has given a little monologue to UP chief minister Mayawati, which was meant to make people relate to him, you know, as an actor:

Actor turned politician Sanjay Dutt has landed in another controversy.

This time he made an offer of a jadu ki jhappi (magical hug) to Uttar Pradesh chief minister Mayawati.

Sanjay Dutt, “I haven't come here to give a speech, mos1 I've come here to do 'Gandhigiri', I will give Mayawati jaadu ki jhappi, and a big kiss.”

In the film, Munnabhai's gesture would turn enemies into friends, but the belligerent behenji of the BSP is not the sort who turns the other cheek and clearly is no fan of Munnabhai's Gandhigiri either.

Considering how Mayawati has already proved herself to be quite badass (even more so than Phoolan Devi) and could take down Cokehead Dutt in seconds, it was not-so-surprising when she came out with a byte so polite that it hurt, while issuing a police notice in his name:

Mayawati saw this as an opportunity to score political points against her rival camp Samajwadi Party (SP) and decided that this was too sexist a remark for her to ignore in keeping with the jee huzoori in UP.

The Pratapgarh DM has promptly served a notice to Sanjay Dutt asking him to explain himself within 24 hours.

The District Magistrate has also asked the police to investigate if the matter requires a case to be registered against Dutt junior.

She also hit out with this:

"My political opponents have no good work to their credit and are demoralised over the BSPs growing popularity. Hence, they are now gathering people who are good at little except singing, dancing and "farzi" fake Gandhigiri", the BSP supremo told an election meeting in Allahabad.

Without naming Dutt or the Samajwadi Party which has made the actor its General Secretary, she said, "Our political opponents need to remember that naachne-gaane wale those who sing and dance, through their farzi Gandhigiri, may attract huge crowds but will not help them get votes".

Wow, dude. Heard your wife stormed out to the Bahamas or something. I'd join her if I were you, 'cause I'm sensing a lot of pissed-off UP people will be marching towards your home in a few days, and it might not necessarily be for a jaadu ki jhappi.

Ref: Timesnow.tv and Indiatvnews.com
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Aamir Khan Offers to Clean Your Bathroom

Well, not technically your bathroom, but he's willing to mop up the stinky restroom floors of your favourite single screen theaters.

And that too not by his hand.

Now this post seems to be no fun writing at all...

Anywho, from NDTV Movies:

In demonstration of solidarity for the producers who are united in their battle with the multiplexes, Aamir Khan has now gone a step ahead. He has even offered to clean toilets in single screen theaters and make them hygienic enough for the audience to come in.

This drastic step comes in the light of current situation in the industry where producers may well abandon multiplexes and release their films only in single screens if the stand off with multiplexes persists.

"I was literally shocked when I heard that. For someone like Aamir Khan to make a statement like this is a big enough message for all of us out here", says Vashu Bhagnani with whom Aamir shared this idea of his.

Aamir made this statement in light of Vashu's production Kal Kissne Dekha which has been postponed due to the ongoing tussle with the multiplexes. A launch pad of Jackky Bhagnani and Vaishali Desai, this was the only film that was all set to be released and it's promotion too had kick started before the strike was announced.

Gee, here I was thinking he was doing this for public benefit while it's all actually in the name of friendship. Not that the motive isn't admired. Though I would have appreciated it more if my closest movie theater's bathrooms were clean because Aamir wanted me to have a safe and hygienic nature's call.

It's a good thing I just go to multiplexes then.
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Go Green, Don't be an Idiot

Recently, we observed Earth Hour wherein we were encouraged to switch off all electrical appliances, including lights, for an entire one hour. You know, since one hour of Amish existence can replenish all of the Earth's resources. But this is no time for sarcasm. Granted, I almost strangled my brother over that one hour considering I couldn't even charge my iPod and all the ice cream in the fridge had melted, I was also intrigued enough to look up NDTV's Greenathon, a non-profit venture for environment awareness.

Commendable attempt. Really. They've made over 2.4 crores to facilitate villages with solar panels. They have their own anthem and everything. And then I saw this: they held a concert for promoting the cause.

Not that a concert isn't an extremely awesome PR strategy. It's just... thousands of megawatts of electricity go into powering those things, not to mention all those celebrities with their over-inflated senses of egos they had to house and the massive television audience they catered to LIVE. There was an argument that the hosts didn't mind this fact, since it reached a large percentage of the population and they made more than enough money to compensate. That does nothing but bring out the impression that those tools at NDTV believe it's OK to waste electricity if you can pay for it. And about it "reaching the masses" : walk along Marine Drive for a couple of minutes and you'll see exactly how effective this whole thing was.

Then again, NDTV might not be the biggest idiot of all, considering eminent personalities have done equally ridiculous things. Chris Martin, lead singer and overall douchebag of Coldplay, said that his band took the initiative to plant 10,000 mango trees right here in India to compensate for all those private jets they use to fly around the world, even though there is scientific evidence that no number of trees can cause carbon dioxide fixation to such a large degree that it compensates for their constant jet-setting.

I don't care about my carbon footprint, I just
want to eat roasted peanuts on my jet.

Even Al Gore, former Vice President of USA, organized the Live Earth concert in 2007 and flew in hundreds of thousands of celebrities, artists and crew, many of them by private jets. That basically released about 31,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide into the air for that one day alone.

If you wanna talk about carbon footprints, it doesn't get any bigger than this.
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My Blood Stream Needs a Pick-Me-Up

...and I'm thinking caffeine might do the job. Only the more coffee I drink, the more I start to channel the Dracula-sunken-eye look, and that's not what I'm going for right now.

Then again, coffee might be a good alternative, as opposed to, say, ripping every strand of hair on my head from its roots, which is precisely what I want to do everytime I see THIS:





I don't think India is going to rest until its people completely squeeze every drop of relevancy that is still left in the song, milking the phenomenon for all its worth. Basically, this hype is not going to wane till the Academy Awards of 2013, so get ready to hear a rendition of 'Jai Ho' from your local grocery serenading his succelent Nagpur oranges.


Aam aadmi ke badhte kadam, har kadam par Bharat buland...


Ugh.
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