Swine Flew in !

I couldn't resist that pun. I just couldn't resist it.

Well more importantly, the Indian government has succeeded again. As if they did not already have more than their fair share of problems- plus the neighbors share and then some- beating them on their collective head, the bovine heard that administrates the whole system contrived to give the Old Budia Party a gift for their win.

*Does his best Arnab Goswami impression*

We have, ladies and Gentlemen, been able to gain entry into the lofty enclaves of those hallowed halls comprising of those countries where the Swine flu case has been reported.

Indian Express has this to say......

New Delhi:

India on Saturday confirmed its first case of swine flu (H1N1 virus) in a 23-year-old man who arrived in Hyderabad from the US. The IT student whose samples confirmed positive for H1N1 virus has been put in isolation, and his co-passengers who departed New York on May 11 (Emirates Airline EK-202), transiting Dubai (Emirates airline EK-524) were being tracked.

“We have informed Dubai and New York health authorities through the World Health Organisation (WHO) about the case and informed them to track all those he might have passed on the infection to,” Health Secretary Naresh Dayal told The Sunday Express, confirming the case.

According to the Health Ministry officials, all the passengers who travelled in the connecting flight from Dubai to Hyderabad have been identified and they were being contacted through Integrated Disease Surveillance Project. “Their health status would be monitored. These passengers are also being advised to remain under quarantine for a period of seven days,” added ministry officials.

Bravo ! I say. So they have been able to track all his co-passengers and have advised them to remain under quarantine. When was the last time an Indian person did what he was advised to do ?

Now why am I so livid with these grass-grazing goat kissers ? Well I just had the honor of gracing the new and improved Indira Gandhi International Airport. My flight arrived at around 2 45 am along with two more flights, one of which came from China( I know so because the plane had mandarin printed on it. Ha! ).

So as we move towards the immigration counter,but unfortunately( just as it mostly happens on the roads here ) there is an impediment in our way. A temporary counter has been hurriedly-and truth be told, rather shabbily- been put in our way. It contains place for at least three medical officers.

Instead, a balding, hairy and shockingly obese person sits there abusing a chair, with the face mask hanging on his ear like a fashion accessory, one hand in the folds of his shirt, scratching his chest and generally giving off the air of a pimp lording about his street.

So then we fill these forms specifying that we have not visited any of the swine flu infected countries. He didn't' tell us that though. No Sir! Thats not in his job profile. Speaking to menial people like us is just too degrading for His Baldness. We got to know that only when some of were turned away from the immigration counter for not having our forms signed by the Chief Medical Officer.

But He didn't tell us that either. He was just there to give autographs. Soon there was a very Indian commotion around him. A herd of braying people had surrounded him and were asking him to sign their forms. And like a true Showman-cum-royalty that His Arse-ness is, he was signing each and every paper being thrust in front of his enormous nose.

Now I have heard from reliable sources that bacterias and flu viruses can travel almost 1 meter through the air. There was a freaking huge number of people surrounding him containing Indians from god knows where and Chinese from some where in china. At that time, a human case had already been confirmed there. They should have been separated from the start, they should have been checked separately. But NO! His holy Arseness kept signing the papers, as in a daze and without reading any of them.

Now does that not sound as if the aforementioned bovine heard actually wants the virus to spread ? Because otherwise, we can only assume that not only do they have the intelligence level of a goo, but they are also moronic imbeciles who should be slapped ten times a day just on general principal.

Hence I shall stop frothing and venting my spleen and shall conclude that our administrators have some hidden plan. Because the other possibility is good enough to make me consider bashing some heads.

I seem to be in a violent mood.

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Another Day Highlighting a Good Cause...

...that proves insignificant when compared to the economy, your job, your education, your mortgaged home and the cute guy next door who accidentally smiled at you this morning.



Cleverly Photoshopped images, like the one above, tend to trigger your tear glands and make you, temporarily, sympathize with poor, burdened Mother Earth. And a few moments later when you find out that the Kolkatta Knight Riders won their second IPL match this year (worthless win, though), the fact that the planet might become a ball of floating ash and dust in a few years hardly frazzles you.

Why this nonsense, you ask? Well, today happens to be Earth Day, not to be mistaken by World Environment Day, which is marked on June 5th. Or Arbor Day, on the last Friday of every April. Or the Bike-to-Work Day, third Friday in May. Or the Car-Free Day, September 22nd. Or World Habitat Day, first Monday of October. Or Zero Emissions Day, September 20th. Or Day for Water, March 22nd. Or Ecological Debt Day, September 23rd. Or Ozone Action Day, which happens at select times of select months that no one knows about.

Maybe life would be easier for environmentalists and the people they are trying to convince if they just had one freaking Earth Day and instead of lecturing people to be kind to Mamma Earth on that one day, just advocate everyday as one. Not that anyone is going to listen, but it's worth a shot.
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LFW >> Sanity

I'm not one for couture fashion, and not just because of the utter lack of the wearibility factor, but also since my dad would kill me if I used my emergency debit card to buy a $3000 LV tote bag. So whenever the Lakme Fashion Week is on, and Bombay Times covers the event like crazy, I get a little bit angry. Mostly because I can never have those things. And also because I'd look ridiculous wearing them.

Source: Rediff

The stuff is great. The clothes are striking. The shoes are hot. The models are anorexic. And bulimic. Though I can never figure the difference, since if you're bulimic, you usually end up anorexic, right? But who am I, an Indian chick who likes her curves, to know?

The LFW needs to cater to a wider market, maybe even people who aren't thin enough to be able to count their ribs. Maybe people who experience monthly bloats and can't control it because they don't have a gynecologist at their every beck-and-call. Maybe people who actually think that Kareena Kapoor sucks because she gives impressionable young girls an unhealthy body image. Moreover, can these fabrics even be worn is climates like Mumbai or Chennai's? Do you have to dry-clean your dresses after every time you wear them? Is it worth paying a month's rent on a pair of burgundy stilettos that you can't use anyway since your city roads have potholes so deep, you could emerge on the other side of the world if you fall into one of them? Do you think - oh, who am I kidding? No one's listening to this rant. 

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To Set the Record Straight

Someone was asking me that day whether I support the Congress or the BJP and since I didn't want to sting anyone's political sentiments, I just added discreetly that "my vote is private".

And that wasn't received well.


I don't quite get it - I'm allowed to vote for whoever I want, but I can't really talk about the party I support, even if by some helluva lucky chance, it turns out to be the same party that the person asking me about it supports, and his fanaticism doesn't evolve into rage. Then again, who am I to comment on this, when someone as famous as Shashi Tharoor is given slack for writing a pro-Israel piece, even if India's stand on the conflict is pro-Palestine. OK, so the government wants to support Palestine. I'm cool with that. What I'm not cool with, is the fact that I am forced to accept the government's stand as my own and support the ties that it feels comfortable with, even if my opinions vary. Moreover, if I do have an alternate opinion, I should keep the darn thing to myself and also face little chance of the Election Commission approving me on the basis of said vocal viewpoint.

Oh, wait. Cancel that. I totally get it now - People with opinions are just not allowed to contest for a position in the state or union legislative assemblies.

Yep, I'm all clear now. I'll just pass on this message to the millions of impressionable young minds across the country so we can be fully assured that we'll never prosper.

Cool.



In more 'Duh-er than Duh' news, if you're above 18 years and have not registered to vote, well then, shame on you.



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Current Mood :: Really Missing Heath Ledger

Who's seen The Dark Knight?

Actually, it'd be better to say: Who hasn't seen it? 'Cause if you haven't, you're pretty much a grade-A loser.

And that's not me talking, it's Warner Bros.' Swiss bank account.

I swear on God, if I ever hear another 'why so serious' joke,

I'll wring someone's neck...

So I was watching it for the 700th time yesterday and I figured, the Joker's cool and all, and Ledger successfully played a role that would be soon lead to all those 'Who's going to lose to Heath Ledger' bets on Oscar night. But I just can't help think...

...Why are his evil plans so goddamn complicated??

Let's review what he did to 'thwart' Batman in the movie, shall we?


STEP 1 - Set up a bunch of Joker lookalikes (OK, with masks) to steal a bank.

STEP 2 - Kill said lookalikes, but not before crashing into a really solid bank building's wall using just a school bus.

STEP 3 - Join forces with the local mafia gang, even when the audience knows you prefer to work alone.

STEP 4 - Kill innocent people till Batman reveals himself.

STEP 5 - Somehow expect that Harvey Dent, that pompous brat, will reveal himself at Batman instead.

STEP 6 - Proceed to pretend attacking the envoy carrying Dent, expecting to be caught.

STEP 7 - Wait in patience while Batman interrogates you to ultimately reveal that Dent and Batman's one true love (who is also Dent's girlfriend and totally insignificant to the plot after this) are strapped in warehouses filled with dynamites which will blow them into smithereens and he can only save one of them (Note to self: Retire the word 'smithereens'. You're embarrassing yourself).

STEP 8 - Know that Batman will pick the girl and switch their positions beforehand so Batman reaches to save Dent instead and Rachel dies.

STEP 9 - Obviously know the exact placement of the denotators so that Dent doesn't die, but his face is mangled exactly in half.

STEP 10 - Escape. Duh.

STEP 11 - Free Dent from hospital and convince him to wreck havoc against Batman (who saved him) and not you (who actually killed his girlfriend and ripped apart his face). Plan a future career in politics.

STEP 12 - In a span of six minutes, convince Gotham that there's a bomb threat on EVERY bridge and tunnel. Then proceed to capture an enormous population of the public and convicts and pile them in two different bomb-strapped ferries to make sure they finish off each other.

STEP 13 - Pretend like you knew all along that Dent would be corrupted easily and was just a ploy to throw off Batman.

STEP 14 - Dress up your hostages and your henchmen and confuse Batman on whether to attack the henchmen, the hostages as the henchmen or the SWAT team.

STEP 15 - Finally get caught, but expect Batman to let you go 'cause you know he's that big a douchebag.

STEP 16 - Come back in the next movie to haunt Gotham - Oh. Wait...


Well, at least most of it was right.

In contrast, here's what the villians do in the Spiderman movies:

STEP 1 - Capture Mary Jane Watson and hang her from a tall building/bridge (she should be conveniently wearing a short dress at these times).

STEP 2 - Get your ass kicked by a superhero who shoots cobwebs from his wrists.


And you wonder why The Dark Knight has already pocketed a cool $1bn...
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