Showing posts with label Because I'm Pissed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Because I'm Pissed. Show all posts

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Swine Flew in !

I couldn't resist that pun. I just couldn't resist it.

Well more importantly, the Indian government has succeeded again. As if they did not already have more than their fair share of problems- plus the neighbors share and then some- beating them on their collective head, the bovine heard that administrates the whole system contrived to give the Old Budia Party a gift for their win.

*Does his best Arnab Goswami impression*

We have, ladies and Gentlemen, been able to gain entry into the lofty enclaves of those hallowed halls comprising of those countries where the Swine flu case has been reported.

Indian Express has this to say......

New Delhi:

India on Saturday confirmed its first case of swine flu (H1N1 virus) in a 23-year-old man who arrived in Hyderabad from the US. The IT student whose samples confirmed positive for H1N1 virus has been put in isolation, and his co-passengers who departed New York on May 11 (Emirates Airline EK-202), transiting Dubai (Emirates airline EK-524) were being tracked.

“We have informed Dubai and New York health authorities through the World Health Organisation (WHO) about the case and informed them to track all those he might have passed on the infection to,” Health Secretary Naresh Dayal told The Sunday Express, confirming the case.

According to the Health Ministry officials, all the passengers who travelled in the connecting flight from Dubai to Hyderabad have been identified and they were being contacted through Integrated Disease Surveillance Project. “Their health status would be monitored. These passengers are also being advised to remain under quarantine for a period of seven days,” added ministry officials.


Bravo ! I say. So they have been able to track all his co-passengers and have advised them to remain under quarantine. When was the last time an Indian person did what he was advised to do ?

Now why am I so livid with these grass-grazing goat kissers ? Well I just had the honor of gracing the new and improved Indira Gandhi International Airport. My flight arrived at around 2 45 am along with two more flights, one of which came from China( I know so because the plane had mandarin printed on it. Ha! ).

So as we move towards the immigration counter,but unfortunately( just as it mostly happens on the roads here ) there is an impediment in our way. A temporary counter has been hurriedly-and truth be told, rather shabbily- been put in our way. It contains place for at least three medical officers.

Instead, a balding, hairy and shockingly obese person sits there abusing a chair, with the face mask hanging on his ear like a fashion accessory, one hand in the folds of his shirt, scratching his chest and generally giving off the air of a pimp lording about his street.

So then we fill these forms specifying that we have not visited any of the swine flu infected countries. He didn't' tell us that though. No Sir! Thats not in his job profile. Speaking to menial people like us is just too degrading for His Baldness. We got to know that only when some of were turned away from the immigration counter for not having our forms signed by the Chief Medical Officer.

But He didn't tell us that either. He was just there to give autographs. Soon there was a very Indian commotion around him. A herd of braying people had surrounded him and were asking him to sign their forms. And like a true Showman-cum-royalty that His Arse-ness is, he was signing each and every paper being thrust in front of his enormous nose.

Now I have heard from reliable sources that bacterias and flu viruses can travel almost 1 meter through the air. There was a freaking huge number of people surrounding him containing Indians from god knows where and Chinese from some where in china. At that time, a human case had already been confirmed there. They should have been separated from the start, they should have been checked separately. But NO! His holy Arseness kept signing the papers, as in a daze and without reading any of them.

Now does that not sound as if the aforementioned bovine heard actually wants the virus to spread ? Because otherwise, we can only assume that not only do they have the intelligence level of a goo, but they are also moronic imbeciles who should be slapped ten times a day just on general principal.

Hence I shall stop frothing and venting my spleen and shall conclude that our administrators have some hidden plan. Because the other possibility is good enough to make me consider bashing some heads.

I seem to be in a violent mood.

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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Just When You Think the Samajwadi Party Couldn't Dig a Bigger Grave...

...they come right out and surprise you all over again.

I figure my own manifesto must have influenced them so much that they decided to rip off my acute wit and intelligence. Then again, their agenda really sucks, while mine reflects our time.

A cycle. On a political party's flag. They're practically
giving me bait.


The SP chief, Mulayam Singh Yadav, revealed his party's manifesto for the general elections yesterday with all this shit:

  • Curbing of English medium schools, and in all generality, English itself. This is probably a direct repercussion of the fact the entire party is vastly uneducated. And because they've probably took one cocaine sniff too much.
  • Curbing of...and hear this...COMPUTERS. They feel, and I directly quote, that "the use of computers in offices is creating unemployment problems. Our party feels that if work can be done by a person using hands there is no need to deploy machines." So he's just talking PCs, not laptops, right? Because if I get up in the morning and don't have access to coffee or the internet, I'll probably go down to Lucknow and shoot this guy in the head.
  • Banning of agricultural goods. 'Cause they feel the employment rate during the harvest season is declining and therefore banishment of tractors, motors and those Transformers like equipments that sow, glean, harvest and thresh crops on their own is the ideal way to go about it. At this rate, only high-profile businessmen can afford basic things like food.
  • Oops, too late. Apparently, they're cutting down high corporate salaries. This, in simpler words, mean more taxes. Socialist, much?
  • Setting up of unemployment allowance schemes for farmers and rural workers. So Mr. Yadav. There's this thing. It's called the National Rural Employment Guarantee Programme. And it works (somewhat) since it follows the policy of "if you want cash, you need to work for it." Are you going to be banning working for farmers now and just pay them free cash? That'd work well for votes, but at the end of the day, when there's no food left in India, you might end up pondering over how f-ed up this idea is, while you slowly starve to death.
  • Stock trading? According to them, it's just plain evil. An entire parallel economy thrives on the stock market alone for brokers, insurance people, speculators, corporates and middle men. So I have a question for Mr. Yadav. Why are people so stupid sometimes? Why?
  • Curbing of mall culture. Are you f-ing kidding me??!!

I'm guessing this announcement was ended with a "we'll take you forward into a new era."

There's a name for it, losers. It's called the stone age.
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