Didn't Expect This

While the actual team members are having their perfectly proportioned backsides kicked, the rest of Team KKR doesn't seem to be doing all that well either. Remember that dreadful "reality" show where SRK picked a bunch of overtly peppy schoolgirls with the promise of their fifteen minutes of obviously well-deserved fame? Yeah, turns out they can't really have those fifteen minutes after all.

Nothing is going right for SRK. Not only is his IPL team Kolkatta Knight Riders facing one humiliating defeat after another, now he has to send back the cheerleaders who had been selected to encourage his team during matches.

Sourav Ganguly and a team of judges had zeroed in on six girls who would travel with the team to South Africa and be the cheerleaders for KKR. This selection was done through a reality TV show on NDTV Imagine called Knights and Angels. Therefore, Sanna, Samyukta, Ritika, Ananya, Sunanda and Rupali went all the way to Cape Town, hoping to show off their talent to the entire world. But like everyone associated with KKR they were in for disappointment.

Reports say that security personnel disallowed any outsiders to be on the field, and as a result, only South African girls could be cheerleaders for the tournament. It is reported that SRK tried every possible maneuver to get these girls their due, but all attempts failed. Now that KKR's fate in the IPL looks shaky, the girls are being sent back home.

To make things worse, it seems there might be some payment issues involved and the contract these girls signed may also be null and void.

The only consolation was that the girls got to share SRK's VIP box to watch the matches. But after weeks of grueling routines and competition, this isn't very much.

Hold the phone! Ganguly was present at this jig? Why wasn't he practicing with the rest of his team? Was this his own form of personal revenge for not being chosen as the sole captain? Is KKR losing because of some conspiracy on his part? Has he changed his spectacles yet? 'Cause I though being a famous cricketer and all helped speed along the income generation. So why no contacts, Saurav? Too many questions, too few PR people.

P.S. This article had some 20-odd spelling errors. You'd think NDTV could afford a document software with a spell checker...
.
share on: facebook

I Love Him, But I Adore Blacklighting Him Even More

SRK might be forcefully removed from stadium grounds if he's caught smoking at the IPL matches again, and there's no way he can hide that since the cameras pan on him more often than on his own team. Here's more from NDTV.com:

The National Organisation for Tobacco Eradication (NOTE), has protested against filmstar Shahrukh Khan who was shown on the TV screen smoking during an IPL match on April 21 in South Africa.

NOTE has asked the South African National Council Against Smoking (NCAS) to consider the issue seriously and stop smoking in the stadium during Indian Premier League matches.

"I chatted with them and sent details and motivation to the supersport. They are the broadcasters. I am soliciting an agreement that they will not show anyone smoking," Peter Ucko from NCAS has informed NOTE.

NOTE General Secretary Shekhar Salkar said that they had contacted NCAS to explore possible advocacy that can be coordinated in South Africa after King Khan was shown puffing on a television screen.

The NCAS in their reply has said that the Act which will ban smoking in sport stadium is not yet in force.

He said that smoking is not permitted in an enclosed area and if Khan does it again I am asking management to tell him that if he fails to comply they will remove him from the grounds, he said.

Poor guy. I say the guy should custom-design a plastic bubble for himself to he can smoke in peace. The addictive haze of poisonous tobacco smoke is pretty much the only thing holding him back from screaming like a girl every time the KKR loses.
.
share on: facebook

He Beat Me To It

I can't believe someone beat me to my dream of becoming a secret blogger report from the depths of an IPL team. Dammit!

So this blogger, who is allegedly part of the Kolkata Knight Riders, had been spraying venomous words about the IPL all over the internet, something I've always wanted to do, but never quite accomplished. Some say this is because I am far too awesome to succumb to petty efforts like his. But I'd wager it has something to with my complete lack of hand-eye coordination and general suckiness in organized sports that prevented me from joining KKR and spilling the IPL's deep, dark secrets.

Then again, we have people like SRK who talk so much that there isn't much news to report, so the job would have been a futile one.
.
share on: facebook

This is Unacceptable!

Wow, I just sounded all posh and everything.


I was flipping channels on TV, quite obviously bored, and I chanced upon a press conference with BJP's spokesperson, Arun Jaitley. Being a lawyer and a superhero with words, I really like the guy and sat down to watch it when Times Now cut right across to one of their pretty intern correspondents. She was talking about the IPL.

I skipped to NDTV News: IPL.

Headlines Today: IPL.

CNN-IBN: IPL.

CNBC: IPL.

BBC: IPL (??? Don't they have any British news to report?)


So since when did T-20 cricket gain an upper hand over the elections? I'm guessing it was around the time news channels with their sensational, and as Arnab Goswami would put it, 'exclusive', news footage graced our television sets.
.
share on: facebook

It's Karma, Baby

I was out all morning so when I came home and found out that Lalit Modi's entire plan is going kaput, I was literally giddy with excitement.

Read the other crap here if you're interested: Rediff

Like I was saying, this is plain and simple karma. Not that I don't enjoy cricket. It's just what the IPL is doing to most Indians.

For example: A friend of a mutual friend of my cousin who is a political activist with a youth group recently sent around some scraps on Orkut talking about how disinterested teenagers and young adults are in voting. There was one particular example she took from a Facebook status update that really pissed me off.

Here's the specimen:



The fact that people would actually support Lalit Modi instead of the one thing that just helps India qualify as a democratic republic and prevents her from being nuked by some crazed country wanting to instill democratic freedom everywhere - the elections - proves that as citizens, we still have a long way to go. The mere idea that someone would fight for provision of Z-grade security to international players and IPL sponsors, and not for people who actually take out the time and effort to vote for their leaders (and to protect the privacy of said vote) kind of disgusts me. It's one thing if the IPL is a government franchise. But the whole thing is a mega-private scam, threatening not just cricket as we know it, but stressing on regionalism when there are no actual boundaries on these regions in the teams to begin with. I can see it right in schools, at homes, out on the streets; people are torn between supporting what they assume is their own state's team and the state they live in. Some would say that by legalizing use of arms by trained and certified bodyguards for protection, the government can prevent hassles like this. But do you really think that Lalit Modi, King of Cash Scams and President of the Association of Pathological Liars is really going to spend money out of his pockets (money that we and the sponsors gave him in the first place) to secure safety procedures for the common masses who come to view some hedonistic display of supposed athletic prowess? I really don't think so.

The IPL is a hoax. And a hoax, I have to say with no shame, I thoroughly enjoy. But if I had to pick between a Chennai Super Kings vs. Rajasthan Royals match and the possibility of electing a party whose cabinet candidates truly promise tax waivers in fuel-petrol, I'd have to say: Screw the IPL. There'll be plenty of T-20 matches to watch in the immediate future, but petrol without the 150% sales tax + VAT isn't exactly an easy and near possibility.



UPDATE:

Narendra Modi, Chief Minister of Gujarat, has answered my prayers. No, he didn't gift me a private jet, he did the other thing. Modi totally just called out on the inefficiency of the current governments of the states that wouldn't give security for the IPL, saying that he wouldn't shame the nation in the same way and would provide security if he was asked to.

Moreover, he threw the final bomb by stating the well-thought argument that if the governments are so unprepared to send out security teams for a measly set of 3 hour cricket matches, what the hell is it going to do during the Commonwealth Games?

Basically, Modi worked with the standard Indian cultural influences - cricket, pride and a bit of a controversy. If that doesn't make people vote for him, I don't know what will.
share on: facebook