BRC-Rap

OK so now that the elections are over and the results have been announced, things are back to normal.

Crime rate is again going back up, Police personals are disappearing faster than you can sneeze, “ thief!” . But most importantly, the water and electricity supply is back to normal.

That is, their hitherto very disturbing and frankly scary continuous supply has been withdrawn and normality has been ensured. When the water taps had gotten more used to gathering dust or - when in the mood ­- supplying a trickle of water, the feel of having an ever present supply of water was very peculiar, to say the least.

So in our very best interests, the Bearded Raincloud (henceforth BRC), the thoroughly incompetent and sadly incumbent CM of my state has decided for a course correction and has deployed his minions to block the water supply and only allow a trickle to pass through. Only those areas shall receive sufficient amount of water supply where the people sing the praises of the BRC (weekly, mind you) and where they actually voted for the candidates of his party. But since his party’s state is now akin to that of a pounded and minced piece of beef throughout the sate, the whole state- insofar as I know- has been plagued by the supply -or the lack - of water.

Much to our sorrow though, the trails of water are nothing compared to the punishing trial imposed on the helpless citizen by the randomness of the electricity supply.

There once used to be a time when the electricity was 24x7 and there was no such thing as voltage fluctuation. I am of course referring to the pre-election period -and not to some bygone era- but ever since the decimation of BRC’s party (By the way, please feel free to make evil and funny full forms of the acronyms) he has decided to use most of the state’s power supply to power up the battery of his chainsaw which he shall use to turn himself into URC (Unbearded Raincloud).

Seriously though, is this how things shall be? Yes of course, for this is how it has been going on since god knows when. Is this how vindictive and pathetically petty a person can get? Someone who has been voted into power for the benefit of the people has been trusted with the power to work for their well being should not be such a moronic imbecile.

Someone should knock into his old age addled and well-padded mind that a government is by the people, of the people, FOR the people. So until I am able to find a stick big enough to stick up his well kissed arse and make him do his work properly (and get away with doing it too) I shall keep hoping that my brand of abuse and moralistic rhetoric shall somehow penetrate into his bubble and prickly( or at least tickle) his conscience awake.

Untill tomorrow people.

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Sorry.

In order to prevent Boss from giving someone a supari in my name( I hear that there are a lot of those kind of people there who do this kind of work), I shall apologize for not posting for I had been busy, collecting material and procrastinating.

Hence I would like to assure you people that the next few posts shall be good and they shall be on time.

I hope.

Untill tomorrow.
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China : Smoke or Bust

In what is possibly the saddest method used to improve a shaky economy, the Chinese government has ordered officials to smoke some 250,000 packs of cigarettes every year or be forced to pay a fine, says News.com

The idea is to boost the popularity of a local cigarette brand called Huanghelou, which is facing competition from other brands, while also obtaining funds via the cigarette tax. Catch is, if the targets are not met within a year, they'll start fining people for it.

Sometimes, I think the Chinese government has it right, what with the amazing job they did with the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and then I see bytes like this and any nice opinion just flies out of the window.

Then again, I totally get what they're trying to do here. The article does say that about one million people die every year in China due to smoking. So by encouraging this, China not only gets dough, but kinda helps reign in its population as well. As far as population control methods go, you can't beat this one.
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Salman Khan : Will Vote for Money

Local badboy and consistent hypocrite, Salman Khan, who campaigned extensively for a bunch of parties at the same time (which makes you question his sanity anyway) pulled a really really really really really, and I can't stress this enough, really stupid pseudo-PR stunt that he supposed would relate him to the common masses - yeah, he made excuses for not voting.

Quiz Sallu about the reason he did not vote, he says, “It was not possible for me to take a flight from London to show that I voted.”

When he is given the example of his colleagues SRK and Aamir who made it a point fly from foreign locations just to vote, he said, “They have the time and money to do so which I do not have.”

So is voting not an important issue for Salman? he says, “The Government should make voting mandatory by punishing people who don’t do so and giving incentives to citizens to vote. I would come for that extra money.”

I like how he said he has no money. Firstly, it gives those people roaming around Mumbai for decades together a reason to not join Bollywood - it pays zilch. Then there's the fact that continuously being around vapid, underweight actresses gives you a sense of superiority that makes you look like a douche. And, finally, because I had to say it, gives men a reason not to get their ears pierced...
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Issues That Didn't Matter in the Election '09

I stumbled cross this bulletin article on India-forums on the writer's take on the "Eight Issues That Didn't Matter in Campaign 2009" and I found that it hit home certain sides I just never thought about. Give it a read here: India-forums.com

:)

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Afghanistan's Only Pig Quarantined in Fear of Flu

RUNNNNNNNNN!!!

A few years ago, China gifted Afghanistan a little piggy for the Kabul Zoo which became somewhat of an attraction in the strict Muslim nation where pork consumption is not permitted by religion. And now the animal has been locked up in a room so as to prevent people from thinking they'll catch the H1N1 virus from a pig that has neither been in contact with others of its kind or ever flown to Mexico.

More from Reuters:

KABUL - Afghanistan's only known pig has been locked in a room, away from visitors to Kabul zoo where it normally grazes beside deer and goats, because people are worried it could infect them with the virus popularly known as swine flu.

"For now the pig is under quarantine, we built it a room because of swine influenza," Aziz Gul Saqib, director of Kabul Zoo, told Reuters. "We've done this because people are worried about getting the flu."

Worldwide, more than 1,000 people have been infected with the virus, according to the World Health Organization, which also says 26 people have so far died from the strain.

"We understand that, but most people don't have enough knowledge. When they see the pig in the cage they get worried and think that they could get ill," Saqib said.

Makes sense. Why educate the common masses when you can just promote the usual prejudice, something we all know is easier to deal with?

Hey, I just got that feeling. You know, the kind you get when you roll your eyes so hard, your contact lens pop out? Awesome :)
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Bytes

This is when I get too bored with the news for the day, or am too deeply engrossed in the Chennai-Kolkata match to care enough about anything else:

Byte 1:
Turns out, Prabhakaran? Really dead. Also, Tamil Nadu? Doesn't give a shit.

It's been some 24-odd hours since the news that the LTTE chief and his son were killed by the Lankan Army while attempting to escape, but there hasn't been any official news aired on ANY Tamil channel. Remember the last time the LTTE issue blew out of proportion (like a month ago) and the Tamil Nadu chief minister and self-proclaimed best buddy of Prabhakaran went on an all-out hunger strike of some six hours or so? Back then, they had that little tidbit of news of every Tamil channel that every existed, except on those belonging to his opponent. And now, his BFF gets shot to death, and no response?? Oh wait, I forgot. The elections are over.


Byte 2:
In more this-made-me spit-my-morning-coffee news, in response to the UPA's landslide victory *grumble* the sensex went kinda berseck. And by that, I mean shooting up by 2,110.79 points at 14,272.63 (17.34% up). The National Stock Exchange's Nifty shot up by 636.40 points at 4,308.05 (17.77%). And the most constructive solution to this (of course) was closing the stock market a mere minute after trading began.
I'm just worried how much this will sky-rocket again when the budget is introduced...


Byte 3:
Remember this? RR Patil's disapproving face won after all, since actor Akshay Kumar landed on Indian soil today and was immediately arrested on grounds of alleged obscene behaviour under articles 34 and 294 of the IPC. There was some obviously bored social worker at the Lakme Fashion Week who was kind enough to point out the fact that Kumar's wife unbuttoned *giggle* his jeans, even though his label tells him to do exactly that. What? He was just following what his multi-crore contract deal with Levi's was asking him to do.
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Swine Flew in !

I couldn't resist that pun. I just couldn't resist it.

Well more importantly, the Indian government has succeeded again. As if they did not already have more than their fair share of problems- plus the neighbors share and then some- beating them on their collective head, the bovine heard that administrates the whole system contrived to give the Old Budia Party a gift for their win.

*Does his best Arnab Goswami impression*

We have, ladies and Gentlemen, been able to gain entry into the lofty enclaves of those hallowed halls comprising of those countries where the Swine flu case has been reported.

Indian Express has this to say......

New Delhi:

India on Saturday confirmed its first case of swine flu (H1N1 virus) in a 23-year-old man who arrived in Hyderabad from the US. The IT student whose samples confirmed positive for H1N1 virus has been put in isolation, and his co-passengers who departed New York on May 11 (Emirates Airline EK-202), transiting Dubai (Emirates airline EK-524) were being tracked.

“We have informed Dubai and New York health authorities through the World Health Organisation (WHO) about the case and informed them to track all those he might have passed on the infection to,” Health Secretary Naresh Dayal told The Sunday Express, confirming the case.

According to the Health Ministry officials, all the passengers who travelled in the connecting flight from Dubai to Hyderabad have been identified and they were being contacted through Integrated Disease Surveillance Project. “Their health status would be monitored. These passengers are also being advised to remain under quarantine for a period of seven days,” added ministry officials.

Bravo ! I say. So they have been able to track all his co-passengers and have advised them to remain under quarantine. When was the last time an Indian person did what he was advised to do ?

Now why am I so livid with these grass-grazing goat kissers ? Well I just had the honor of gracing the new and improved Indira Gandhi International Airport. My flight arrived at around 2 45 am along with two more flights, one of which came from China( I know so because the plane had mandarin printed on it. Ha! ).

So as we move towards the immigration counter,but unfortunately( just as it mostly happens on the roads here ) there is an impediment in our way. A temporary counter has been hurriedly-and truth be told, rather shabbily- been put in our way. It contains place for at least three medical officers.

Instead, a balding, hairy and shockingly obese person sits there abusing a chair, with the face mask hanging on his ear like a fashion accessory, one hand in the folds of his shirt, scratching his chest and generally giving off the air of a pimp lording about his street.

So then we fill these forms specifying that we have not visited any of the swine flu infected countries. He didn't' tell us that though. No Sir! Thats not in his job profile. Speaking to menial people like us is just too degrading for His Baldness. We got to know that only when some of were turned away from the immigration counter for not having our forms signed by the Chief Medical Officer.

But He didn't tell us that either. He was just there to give autographs. Soon there was a very Indian commotion around him. A herd of braying people had surrounded him and were asking him to sign their forms. And like a true Showman-cum-royalty that His Arse-ness is, he was signing each and every paper being thrust in front of his enormous nose.

Now I have heard from reliable sources that bacterias and flu viruses can travel almost 1 meter through the air. There was a freaking huge number of people surrounding him containing Indians from god knows where and Chinese from some where in china. At that time, a human case had already been confirmed there. They should have been separated from the start, they should have been checked separately. But NO! His holy Arseness kept signing the papers, as in a daze and without reading any of them.

Now does that not sound as if the aforementioned bovine heard actually wants the virus to spread ? Because otherwise, we can only assume that not only do they have the intelligence level of a goo, but they are also moronic imbeciles who should be slapped ten times a day just on general principal.

Hence I shall stop frothing and venting my spleen and shall conclude that our administrators have some hidden plan. Because the other possibility is good enough to make me consider bashing some heads.

I seem to be in a violent mood.

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Prabhakaran May Have Killed Himself

Was it the mustache? Is it shaming him?

Did LTTE chief Prabhakaran pull the gun on himself? Or did he just pop a vial of cyanide, a la Hitler. Or did Hitler shoot himself in the head? Ah, whatever. Any kind of death is still too gentle for this guy.

IBN News says:

Liberation Tiger of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) chief V Prabhakaran could be dead with Sri Lankan army sources telling CNN-IBN that his body has been recovered and is being taken to an army camp in Colombo.

Sri Lankan army sources say they have recovered 150 bodies of LTTE cadres but the bodies are still being identified.

According to reports all civilians held hostage by the LTTE have now been freed from the battle zone.

The report comes even as the Lankan government announced it had captured the final stronghold of the LTTE, and that the top LTTE leadership may have committed mass suicide.

"I am proud to announce... that my government with the total commitment of our armed forces, has in an unprecedented humanitarian operation, finally defeated the LTTE militarily," said Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa.

The Lankan army claims to have intercepted LTTE messages of mass suicide of rebel leaders.

Well, if he really is dead, Rajapaksa would confirm that little piece of news in a separate byte, considering that would be the Lankan Army's biggest victory since... ever, and the fact that announcing it would bring down international pressure on them since they at least managed to kill the dude that started all this.

But do you want to know exactly why I don't believe this? 'Cause if it was true, Karunanidhi would have called his breakfast-to-lunch hunger strike again.

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Election News - The Verdict

Well, the results are in.

And The Empress says that The Puppet shall remain King. Big surprise. Like she wanted the pressure of the job. Better to pull the strings, don't you think ?

The Also Ran finally gives in and says that he shall lead no more. I kind of pity him. Always being the second-in-command must finally have had an effect on him. Even this time, the voice of the sycophants was shriller in proclaiming the Star Campaigner. Sigh !

The expelled Saint calls the leadership of his former party "narcissist".

His exact statement was, "the party is not stronger under him (the guy who kicked him out)" and added that "narcissistic leadership will not help".

Cat fight for retirees. Nice !

The smooth shaved Newbie pulled of a coup in UP. He says he would like to join the cabinet. somebody call mummy !

The regional parties have been made to eat their words. Lalu made a great show of doing it. The posturing and preening before the elections, then having to eat the humble pie. Entertaining to watch.

The good thing for us - no fractured mandate, loss of Left, a serious chance for a party to show that it can accomplish something. At least now they won't give us the normal excuse of being hamstrung by the demands of the allies.

That's all that my DBZ hammered brain can report at this moment.

My brief for today was to report only on the election.
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