Sunday, May 17, 2009

Swine Flew in !

I couldn't resist that pun. I just couldn't resist it.

Well more importantly, the Indian government has succeeded again. As if they did not already have more than their fair share of problems- plus the neighbors share and then some- beating them on their collective head, the bovine heard that administrates the whole system contrived to give the Old Budia Party a gift for their win.

*Does his best Arnab Goswami impression*

We have, ladies and Gentlemen, been able to gain entry into the lofty enclaves of those hallowed halls comprising of those countries where the Swine flu case has been reported.

Indian Express has this to say......

New Delhi:

India on Saturday confirmed its first case of swine flu (H1N1 virus) in a 23-year-old man who arrived in Hyderabad from the US. The IT student whose samples confirmed positive for H1N1 virus has been put in isolation, and his co-passengers who departed New York on May 11 (Emirates Airline EK-202), transiting Dubai (Emirates airline EK-524) were being tracked.

“We have informed Dubai and New York health authorities through the World Health Organisation (WHO) about the case and informed them to track all those he might have passed on the infection to,” Health Secretary Naresh Dayal told The Sunday Express, confirming the case.

According to the Health Ministry officials, all the passengers who travelled in the connecting flight from Dubai to Hyderabad have been identified and they were being contacted through Integrated Disease Surveillance Project. “Their health status would be monitored. These passengers are also being advised to remain under quarantine for a period of seven days,” added ministry officials.


Bravo ! I say. So they have been able to track all his co-passengers and have advised them to remain under quarantine. When was the last time an Indian person did what he was advised to do ?

Now why am I so livid with these grass-grazing goat kissers ? Well I just had the honor of gracing the new and improved Indira Gandhi International Airport. My flight arrived at around 2 45 am along with two more flights, one of which came from China( I know so because the plane had mandarin printed on it. Ha! ).

So as we move towards the immigration counter,but unfortunately( just as it mostly happens on the roads here ) there is an impediment in our way. A temporary counter has been hurriedly-and truth be told, rather shabbily- been put in our way. It contains place for at least three medical officers.

Instead, a balding, hairy and shockingly obese person sits there abusing a chair, with the face mask hanging on his ear like a fashion accessory, one hand in the folds of his shirt, scratching his chest and generally giving off the air of a pimp lording about his street.

So then we fill these forms specifying that we have not visited any of the swine flu infected countries. He didn't' tell us that though. No Sir! Thats not in his job profile. Speaking to menial people like us is just too degrading for His Baldness. We got to know that only when some of were turned away from the immigration counter for not having our forms signed by the Chief Medical Officer.

But He didn't tell us that either. He was just there to give autographs. Soon there was a very Indian commotion around him. A herd of braying people had surrounded him and were asking him to sign their forms. And like a true Showman-cum-royalty that His Arse-ness is, he was signing each and every paper being thrust in front of his enormous nose.

Now I have heard from reliable sources that bacterias and flu viruses can travel almost 1 meter through the air. There was a freaking huge number of people surrounding him containing Indians from god knows where and Chinese from some where in china. At that time, a human case had already been confirmed there. They should have been separated from the start, they should have been checked separately. But NO! His holy Arseness kept signing the papers, as in a daze and without reading any of them.

Now does that not sound as if the aforementioned bovine heard actually wants the virus to spread ? Because otherwise, we can only assume that not only do they have the intelligence level of a goo, but they are also moronic imbeciles who should be slapped ten times a day just on general principal.

Hence I shall stop frothing and venting my spleen and shall conclude that our administrators have some hidden plan. Because the other possibility is good enough to make me consider bashing some heads.

I seem to be in a violent mood.

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Prabhakaran May Have Killed Himself

Was it the mustache? Is it shaming him?


Did LTTE chief Prabhakaran pull the gun on himself? Or did he just pop a vial of cyanide, a la Hitler. Or did Hitler shoot himself in the head? Ah, whatever. Any kind of death is still too gentle for this guy.

IBN News says:

Liberation Tiger of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) chief V Prabhakaran could be dead with Sri Lankan army sources telling CNN-IBN that his body has been recovered and is being taken to an army camp in Colombo.

Sri Lankan army sources say they have recovered 150 bodies of LTTE cadres but the bodies are still being identified.

According to reports all civilians held hostage by the LTTE have now been freed from the battle zone.

The report comes even as the Lankan government announced it had captured the final stronghold of the LTTE, and that the top LTTE leadership may have committed mass suicide.

"I am proud to announce... that my government with the total commitment of our armed forces, has in an unprecedented humanitarian operation, finally defeated the LTTE militarily," said Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa.

The Lankan army claims to have intercepted LTTE messages of mass suicide of rebel leaders.


Well, if he really is dead, Rajapaksa would confirm that little piece of news in a separate byte, considering that would be the Lankan Army's biggest victory since... ever, and the fact that announcing it would bring down international pressure on them since they at least managed to kill the dude that started all this.

But do you want to know exactly why I don't believe this? 'Cause if it was true, Karunanidhi would have called his breakfast-to-lunch hunger strike again.

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Election News - The Verdict

Well, the results are in.

And The Empress says that The Puppet shall remain King. Big surprise. Like she wanted the pressure of the job. Better to pull the strings, don't you think ?

The Also Ran finally gives in and says that he shall lead no more. I kind of pity him. Always being the second-in-command must finally have had an effect on him. Even this time, the voice of the sycophants was shriller in proclaiming the Star Campaigner. Sigh !

The expelled Saint calls the leadership of his former party "narcissist".

His exact statement was, "the party is not stronger under him (the guy who kicked him out)" and added that "narcissistic leadership will not help".

Cat fight for retirees. Nice !

The smooth shaved Newbie pulled of a coup in UP. He says he would like to join the cabinet. somebody call mummy !

The regional parties have been made to eat their words. Lalu made a great show of doing it. The posturing and preening before the elections, then having to eat the humble pie. Entertaining to watch.

The good thing for us - no fractured mandate, loss of Left, a serious chance for a party to show that it can accomplish something. At least now they won't give us the normal excuse of being hamstrung by the demands of the allies.

That's all that my DBZ hammered brain can report at this moment.

My brief for today was to report only on the election.
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Intro!

Ah, finally. Done with the biggest exam of my life. Yet.

Which calls for some good news: We have a new blogger on PIMM who, in his own honey-coated words, is a "certified genius and a bit of a hunk". Yeah, it's a guy.

Now why would we hire a boy (gasp) of all people? Are the Smartasses so desperate? Well, not really. He's just good at his work, and usually funny when he isn't being offensive. Just like us!

So here's introducing toon.from.hell! I'm guessing the name is a direct repercussion of all the Dragonball-Z he used to watch. And he'll be covering the election news for the rest of the day since I really need to go study for my future and stuff like that.
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A New Day. A New Kasab Piece.


So this is Ajmal Amir Kasab's mugshot gracing my blog. I can't even bring myself to make any more comments, so here's what TimesNow.tv has to say:

After a Special court in Mumbai put 86 charges against the lone surviving terrorist of the 26/11 Mumbai attacks, Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasav, he pleaded not guilty. In an effort to manipulate the law and make Kasav escape the death penalty, Kasav's lawyer, Abbas Kazmi, said that that Kasav was not waging war on India, but was trying to liberate Kashmir by committing terror acts on Mumbai.

The court framed charges against the 35 others accused including Faheem Ansari, Sabauddin Ahmed and Kasav. Kasav has been charged with unlawful activities, arms act, customs act, explosives act, foreigners act and prevention of damage to public property act, among others.

Reacting to the trial of Kasav, senior criminal lawyer Majid Memon said that undue importance has been given to the terrorist's claim.
















WTF? 86 charges and he's still pleading 'not guilty'? And most of the Acts he's charged under seem so... blah. Customs Act? Unlawful activities? Damage to public property?? Now I'm not going to claim to know much about the law, but there should be some law that sums up everything a terrorist could possibly do and kick his ass back. This is off the top of my head, but I'm thinking... "That's for blowing up our city, you bastard, now you can go burn in hell for all eternity like a truck tire" Act. Just a thought.
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So... When They Say "The Best Job in the World"...

...they totally mean it.

Southall, a British charity worker, beat over 34,000 applicants, including his final opponent, an Indian RJ Anjaan, to win a freaking $150,000 deal with Tourism Queensland to become the new caretaker of a tropical Australian island along the Great Barrier Reef.

So now not only does he get paid to promote the heritage site, he's going to living in a 30bedroom villa off the coast of Hamilton Island. A villa supplied with a private swimming pool and a buggy for travelling. Granted, he'll be stuck on the island for a while, but he gets to keep in touch with the rest of the world via a blog, and last I checked, that ain't so bad...

You'd be wondering, "why the hell is this post up here anyway? You can't really make any wisecracks on it." Well, the campaign's already made about AU$110 million in ads and publicity, so if all it takes is a post to save a bunch of natural corals that keep most of the Australian coast still bearable to live in, then who am I to argue?
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Sunday, May 3, 2009

And It Just Took Five Months...


News flash --- Turns out Ajmal Amir Kasab? Not a minor, after all!

DUN DUN DUNNN.


In other news, the guy also happens to be a terrorist.

*gasp*

Who'd have thought...?
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Who Else is Hoping This is Swine Flu?


And also wishing that India runs out of TamiFlu just seconds before Karunanidhi is diagnosed with the disease? I wouldn't mind dying of a pandemic if it means I can take down some bloodthirsty politicians with me...

More from Rediff.com:

Tamil Nadu Chief Ministry and DMK chief M. Karunanidhi was on Sunday admitted to Apollo Hospital in Chennai due to high fevers, doctors said.

The 85-year-old leader was admitted to the hospital in the morning and is undergoing treatment. According to DMK sources, Karunanidhi also complained of severe back pain.

Karunanidhi, who underwent a major surgery for his back problem in February, has hit the campaign trail for the Lok Sabha elections only two days ago.

Is this guy trying to pull an MGR? MG Ramachandran (who was probably worshiped by your parents, if you're from the South) won an entire state assembly election with about twice the number of votes than Karunanidhi won, and all while he was in the hospital with a bullet in his neck. Call it sympathy votes, but the dude went on to win every election he stood in and the DMK had really no chance till he died in office. That, people, is called Charisma. And also the reason people like SRK would win if they contested
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Who'd Have the Heart to Kill That??


News has been a little slow over the last few days. I mean, it's suddenly all swine flu this and swine flu that, so I'm desperately looking for something else to write about. And then I came across this:

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's team on tigers is meeting on Monday, just a couple of days after the latest tiger crisis.

The tigers have been wiped out of the Panna Reserve. A Central team visited the Panna reserve in Madhya Pradesh and reported that there was not a single male tiger left in the park.

The high level team is warning of a new crisis - tigers in south India could be equally vulnerable.

The alarming statistics paint a grim picture of a dwindling tiger population. Just recently, two tigresses from Bandhavgarh and Kahna national parks were brought to Panna to breed with male tigers, but none were found.

"I am not denying its poaching, but we have no proof for that. If there is poaching we have to find new ways of controlling poaching," said H S Pabla, Wildlife Conservator, Madhya Pradesh.

Poaching, encroachment on tiger habitat, or simply negligence -- today in India there are just 1,400 tigers left. Just 10 years back, the number was 4,000. India's National animal is on the verge of extinction.


What the hell?? What kind of a sick bastard would want to kill something so cute, and obviously so majestic?
I mean, awwwwwww.

So tigers are scary sometimes. But everyone's seen The Lion King right? The lions that are not dark in colour or named 'Scar' tend to be good lions. They kill just for food, since they respect the Circle of Life and stuff. Granted, the movie was about a bunch of lions, but tigers are cats too and way more cooler since stripes > messy manes.

Whoa! Who'd want to even approach this beast,
let alone try killing it?


And what sort of retarded tiger reserve would buy tigresses for breeding without checking if there were any male tigers left in the first place? Do they not understand the basics of mammalian reproduction? And why are we restricting ourselves to cloning sheep and dogs when there are clearly already millions of them? Sometimes, humanity pisses me off to the extent that I wish we had remained apes.


At least that way, we'd get along with the tigers...
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Friday, May 1, 2009

Dhoni Will Now Burn in Hell


The Self-Proclaimed King of Everything, Amitabh Bachchan, was probably the one who caused the freak outbreak of swine flu all across the world, in retaliation to MS Dhoni's delayed response to his SMSs. Even Zen and the Art of Living describes that a sound life revolves around good food, sleep, exercise and morals. And the continuous appeasement of the Bachchans.

Here's the snippet from Bachchan's blog on BigAdda:

"Knowing his closeness to Dhoni, I complain to John (Abraham) about Mahi not responding to the message of greeting I had sent him on his decoration of the Padma Shri. He says he shall connect me immediately right away. I stop him. Ask him to look up at the TV - Chennai is playing Royal Rajasthan and Dhoni is very much on the field - IN SOUTH AFRICA !!

I had wished Harbhajan too on his Padma Shri and we had spoken to each other about my message to Mahi. He had ,even, graciously passed on my greetings to him. But still no response. Must have been busy. John has given me his mobile now and said he shall have a word with him on this. No sweat. So long as Dhoni keeps whacking the hell out of the opposition, I am fine."


Uhh, Mr. King? Has the fact that the Chennai Super Kings were being thrashed to their last hair completely managed to escape your attention? Maybe he was busy, I dunno, because he actually wanted to be on the field for the shitload of money he was paid. The money he got to play. Play. Not to respond to messages congratulating him for a Padma Shri he didn't want/accept since he has enough dignity and self-respect to stay away from national awards that are presented to people like Akshay Kumar and Helen for their "unparalleled contribution to cinema and the arts".

Or maybe he just anticipated their antics (below) at their polling booth on the 30th of April in Mumbai (Juhu?). I like the "don't mess with me" look that Abhishek is throwing at the cameraman. If you get rid of the shades, you could feel his eyes screaming at you, "Get me emancipated from this family NOW!!"


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