Current Mood :: Really Missing Heath Ledger

Who's seen The Dark Knight?

Actually, it'd be better to say: Who hasn't seen it? 'Cause if you haven't, you're pretty much a grade-A loser.

And that's not me talking, it's Warner Bros.' Swiss bank account.

I swear on God, if I ever hear another 'why so serious' joke,

I'll wring someone's neck...

So I was watching it for the 700th time yesterday and I figured, the Joker's cool and all, and Ledger successfully played a role that would be soon lead to all those 'Who's going to lose to Heath Ledger' bets on Oscar night. But I just can't help think...

...Why are his evil plans so goddamn complicated??

Let's review what he did to 'thwart' Batman in the movie, shall we?


STEP 1 - Set up a bunch of Joker lookalikes (OK, with masks) to steal a bank.

STEP 2 - Kill said lookalikes, but not before crashing into a really solid bank building's wall using just a school bus.

STEP 3 - Join forces with the local mafia gang, even when the audience knows you prefer to work alone.

STEP 4 - Kill innocent people till Batman reveals himself.

STEP 5 - Somehow expect that Harvey Dent, that pompous brat, will reveal himself at Batman instead.

STEP 6 - Proceed to pretend attacking the envoy carrying Dent, expecting to be caught.

STEP 7 - Wait in patience while Batman interrogates you to ultimately reveal that Dent and Batman's one true love (who is also Dent's girlfriend and totally insignificant to the plot after this) are strapped in warehouses filled with dynamites which will blow them into smithereens and he can only save one of them (Note to self: Retire the word 'smithereens'. You're embarrassing yourself).

STEP 8 - Know that Batman will pick the girl and switch their positions beforehand so Batman reaches to save Dent instead and Rachel dies.

STEP 9 - Obviously know the exact placement of the denotators so that Dent doesn't die, but his face is mangled exactly in half.

STEP 10 - Escape. Duh.

STEP 11 - Free Dent from hospital and convince him to wreck havoc against Batman (who saved him) and not you (who actually killed his girlfriend and ripped apart his face). Plan a future career in politics.

STEP 12 - In a span of six minutes, convince Gotham that there's a bomb threat on EVERY bridge and tunnel. Then proceed to capture an enormous population of the public and convicts and pile them in two different bomb-strapped ferries to make sure they finish off each other.

STEP 13 - Pretend like you knew all along that Dent would be corrupted easily and was just a ploy to throw off Batman.

STEP 14 - Dress up your hostages and your henchmen and confuse Batman on whether to attack the henchmen, the hostages as the henchmen or the SWAT team.

STEP 15 - Finally get caught, but expect Batman to let you go 'cause you know he's that big a douchebag.

STEP 16 - Come back in the next movie to haunt Gotham - Oh. Wait...


Well, at least most of it was right.

In contrast, here's what the villians do in the Spiderman movies:

STEP 1 - Capture Mary Jane Watson and hang her from a tall building/bridge (she should be conveniently wearing a short dress at these times).

STEP 2 - Get your ass kicked by a superhero who shoots cobwebs from his wrists.


And you wonder why The Dark Knight has already pocketed a cool $1bn...
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