Am I Straight or Gay?

Have you ever woken up one morning and questioned your sexual orientation? No, neither have I. But Rediff seems to think there are loads of people out there who are greatly confused over whether they are straight, gay or just a usual pervert. It's supposed to be a quiz for guys, but hey! Women have equal rights to ponder over whether they want to wake up every morning with a man or a another woman. But let's keep gender discrimination for another day.

Here we go!

1) Which of these sports would you or do you play?

* Cricket
* Ballet
* Tennis
* Boxing

My Answer: I picked ballet. Nothing like a classical dance workout to soothe your muscles, right?

2) Were you popular amongst girls or guys in your student life?

* Girls
* Guys
* Never really thought about it
* More or less equal

My Answer: Frankly I never thought about the whole thing. For the first 10 years of my schooling, I was in an all-girls school. I was also a bit of a bitch, so neither girls (nor guys) really liked me that much. In all fairness, I was a lonely freak. So I picked the third option.

3) Which profession would you prefer?

* Fashion Designing
* Automobile Mechanic
* Nurse
* Electrician

My Answer: Nothing says 'macho manliness' like being an automobile mechanic. Then again, not all mechanics have the body frame of John Abraham. So I picked Nurse. Figured, if I ended up as gay, might as well help someone along the way.

4) Which of these colours do you prefer?

* Pink
* Blue
* Orange
* Purple

My Answer: Very duh answer. Why do they even ask?

5) When you were a child, did you ever play with toys geared toward the opposite sex?

* Yes, all the time
* Mostly
* Sometimes
* No

My Answer: Well, I wanted to expand my toy range, but my mom refused to buy me those simulation bazookas.

6) When out in public, who are you looking at as you walk around?

* Same sex
* Opposite sex
* Same sex (but for their clothes)
* Everyone, I'm an observer

My Answer: Of course, I look at other people of my sex! I'm an Indian, I'm designed to stare at passerbys of my gender.

7) Random question...athletes on teams slapping each others' asses when they get off the field, queer? Or just friendly sportsmanship?

* Duh! It's friendly, none of that gay stuff!
* Just shows how gave football players are
* Eh, some of those guys are questionable
* A little weird, but innocent none-the-less

My Answer: It's not gay! They're just being buddies! What, just so you see guys being friendly with each other, it's gay? If two sexually-frustrated cowboys on a mountain rage show their mutual respect and love to each other, it that-? Oh. Wait.

8) Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same sex?

* Yes, my girlfriend and I rated hot men together
* Are you mad?
* Uh, I don't think so
* No

My Answer: Well, I don't really have a girlfriend. I don't even have a boyfriend right now, but I'm not desperate enough to change my sexuality over the immense rejection. Never-the-less, the first option was the only thing viable. Otherwise I come off as a major homophobic.

9) At a party, slightly drunk, have you ever approached/made a pass at someone of the same sex?

* Once, when I was challenged to do so by my friends
* I can never remember what I when I'm drunk
* Yes
* No

My Answer: What? Don't judge me!

10) Have you ever fantasized about people of the same sex?

* Yes
* At times
* Not really
* No

My Answer: I used to have a crush on Ranbir Kapoor till someone told me he's a girl. Does that count?

11) Would you like it if a person of the same sex was attracted to you?Yes

* Yes
* No

My Answer: I want to be envied, OK?

12) Have you changed the answers to any of the questions to appear straighter?

* Yes
* How did you know that?
* Yes, just once
* Nope

My Answer: Busted!

13) Really?

* Yes
* No
* Maybe
* Uh...

My Answer: I have no idea what they're trying to ask me here...


THE VERDICT: "You are gay! If that's not news to you, great -- if it is, better think of exploring the world outside your closet! Good luck!"

See? If you can manipulate Rediff's quizzes, there's nothing you can't do! Now I'm off to take over the world by spreading the terminal disease called homophobia. It really works!
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